Cleo, Currently {Personal Work}

Some of you know, many don’t… but my mom has had a pretty tough year (or two). She has been riddled with back pain which ultimately resulted in surgery on April 4th.

She has also been riddled with cognition issues. We thought it was from the pain medications prior to surgery, and then from post-operative delirium after surgery. But, now we’re 2 months post-op and Mom’s cognition isn’t any better. Some days are good, some are bad. Nights are awful, and I’m convinced that my stepdad Arnie is a Saint because he handles them all. He’s up with her every hour (or less), helping her get to the bathroom, trying to calm her when she thinks her dream was reality. She gets combative and it has to hurt him. But he remains hopeful that someday she’ll be better.

Mom has always been strong-minded. This suited her pretty well when she was independent. But now, when she relies on others for just about every daily task, it has presented itself as a challenge. In her mind she knows what is best, what will work and what makes sense, even when common sense says it isn’t safe or it won’t work. Hours are spent attempting to reason with her.  Often we have to go over the same argument the very next day. 

The selfish sinner in me gets pretty upset about all of this. It’s frustrating. It’s time consuming. Sometimes it’s downright maddening.

But, God is teaching me lesson after lesson in all of this. Through the frustrating arguments, God reminds me that I don’t always have to prove a point, I don’t always have to be right. Through the hours spend driving to and from doctor appointments and running errands, God reminds me that I need to be a servant. When I get angry because mom is not better right now, God reminds me that I need to be patient.

I need to love my mom just like God loves me. I know I have done things in my life that must be frustrating to God. I know He spent many time consuming years pursuing me. My sins from my past, present and future must be maddening.

But He loves me. He has set the bar.

So today was another day of doctor visits and lab tests. Mom and I spent quite a bit of time in the car and in waiting rooms. But it was a good day, we have new hope for her future.

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